Sunday morning tennis, forest running, cycling by the sea… These are enjoyable activities that should bring couples closer when shared. However, for many, sports are still synonymous with performance, sometimes leading to one partner overshadowing the other. For many women, these moments of sharing can sometimes turn into painful experiences: inappropriate remarks, poorly received competition, belittlement. Sophie, 41, knows this all too well. She is currently preparing for her first marathon this fall. “My partner has been running for five years, I started six months ago. The first time we ran together, he kept telling me to lift my knees or breathe better, as if I were an incompetent beginner. I prefer training alone, following my own program. I progress at my own pace, without anyone making remarks,” she says.
Her testimony is not isolated. Maud, 48, has been playing tennis since childhood. Since meeting her partner 18 years ago, he also got into this activity. “We often play together on weekends and sometimes, the end of the match turns into a sour moment,” she laments.
“Masculine Arena”
Why does sports, supposed to unite, sometimes become a center of gender tensions? These seemingly ordinary situations actually reveal an asymmetry in how men and women approach sports as a couple. “Sports have historically been a masculine arena where domination occurs naturally, almost invisibly,” explains Christine Mennesson, a sociologist specializing in gender and sports, author of “Being a Woman in a Man’s World.” “Men are socialized as universal beings, allowed to take up space, compete, and set the pace. Women, on the other hand, often have to justify their presence or accept a role as a partner rather than a full competitor. Since childhood, they are educated in competition and performance.”
Sports as a Mirror of Couple Inequalities
Studies confirm that sports reproduce, and sometimes amplify, traditional power dynamics. According to a survey by Insee in 2017, gender gaps in sports practice remain pronounced, especially in couples with children: “Women are 20% less likely to engage in sports than men in similar situations.” This inequality is partly explained by mental load, domestic tasks, and persistent stereotypes: “Half of the population still believes that ‘certain sports are more suitable for boys than girls’,” notes Insee.
According to Béatrice Barbuse, a sociologist and author of “Sexism in Sports,” “Sports is a magnifying mirror of our society: it reveals power dynamics, gender norms beyond the playing field.” These dynamics can discourage women from persevering. Many give up activities because they feel judged or because their partner does not take them seriously, especially in endurance or combat sports where performance is often associated with masculinity.
However, it is essential not to completely give up on doing sports as a couple, but to balance relationships, set rules, prohibit unsolicited advice, accept skill level differences. Some couples achieve this. “Exercising together is a great activity that brings us closer,” confirms Stéphane, 44, who only practices non-competitive sports. This evolution requires collective awareness and a reconsideration of men’s dominant position. Women can also advise and train men.
( *) Christine Mennesson, “Being a Woman in the World of Men”, published by L’harmattan, 33.50 euros.
( **) Béatrice Barbuse, “Sexism in Sports”, published by Anamosa, 22 euros.
