PARIS: Iranian culture – Sina Abedi explores the secrets of Târof, “the art of cutting the head with silk”

Sina Abedi publishes “Tarof”, an essay deciphering the complex art of Iranian politeness, a social code between generosity and strategy.

How can a simple glass of tea become a battlefield? Why does an Iranian “no thank you” often mean “yes, but still insist”? In his new essay, “Tarof: The Art of Iranian War”, which will be published on May 20, 2026 by Éditions Gondishapour, architect and researcher Sina Abedi offers the first exploration in the French language of a cultural phenomenon as fascinating as it is little-known. The work delves into the heart of a system of courtesy which deeply structures social, family, professional and even political relations in Iran.

An instrument of cultural resilience

Well beyond a simple politeness, the Tarof is presented as a real social and cultural weapon, a tool of resilience perfected over the centuries by the Iranian people to face the trials of History. The author describes it as an invisible weapon, “woven of words, silences, gestures and calculated refusals”. This complex code is not just for looking good; it regulates tensions, defuses potential conflicts and helps maintain a delicate balance within society.

According to the analysis, without this key to reading, the subtleties of interactions in Iran remain largely impenetrable. Târof is a sort of “hidden social grammar” which reflects an age-old strategy combining decorum, apparent generosity, survival instinct and everyday diplomacy.

Between rigorous analysis and personal story

Far from being a simple guide to good manners, Sina Abedi’s essay reveals the mechanisms of this code through concrete situations. From the ritual battle to pay the bill at the restaurant to negotiation strategies and psychological games linked to honor (Ä€béru), the author deciphers an art of living which oscillates between sincere generosity and formidable strategy.

Born in Isfahan, Sina Abedi, doctor of architecture and associated researcher at the National School of Architecture of Paris-Belleville, draws his analysis from his own intercultural misadventures. In particular, he relates a stay with a French friend whose patience, severely tested by seven days of theatrical refusals, ended up giving way. The book thus combines intellectual rigor, a sense of storytelling and a self-deprecation characteristic, according to the preface, of Persian culture.

The enlightening look of Leili Anvar

The work is prefaced by Leili Anvar, lecturer in Persian language and literature at Inalco and a great specialist in mystical poetry. She salutes a work which “conducts a profound reflection on an essential dimension of Iranianness”. For her, Tarof is one of those untranslatable concepts that illustrates the complexity of Iranian culture.

« The word Târof is one of my “untranslatable” words; one of those words which carry so many sometimes contradictory meanings that, when we have to translate it, we don’t know where to turn. And now one of the most accomplished practitioners of Târof that I know, Sina Abedi, explains to me why: if Târof is “the art of cutting off the head with silk”, then what could be more natural than that I lose my head or my Latin! When my French side is bothered by this onslaught of civilities, I tend to translate “manners”; when I’m downright irritated, I go so far as to say “obsequiousness”; and then when the Persian in me takes over, I call it “politeness” or even “delicacy”. When the brutality of the world is reminded of me – and God knows that these days, the world is not short of it -, I tell myself that ultimately it is an aristocratic art of living which allows us to make life softer, soft as silk » testifies Leili Anvar in her preface.

Meeting and practical information

On the occasion of this publication, Gondishapour editions are organizing a signing meeting with Sina Abedi, in dialogue with Fabrice Millon-Desvignes. The event will be held on Wednesday May 13, 2026 at 7 p.m. at the Tschann bookstore, located at 125 boulevard du Montparnasse, in the 6th arrondissement of Paris.

The publisher, Gondishapour, is an association founded in 2020 which defines itself as a creative space aiming to reinvent the ancient academy of Gondishapour to make it a “garden of knowledge for the 21st century”.

*Târof. The art of Iranian war* – Sina Abedi – Preface by Leili Anvar – Gondishapour Éditions – 145 pages, 16 € (Paperback & ebook) – ISBN: 978-2-488778-03-9. More information on the site from the publisher: www.gondishapour.fr.